Sunday, June 20, 2010

Leave Poor Natalie Out of Your Fantasies, Please

The new Glenn Beck=Jane Austin tome is priming up for itz awesomeness!!

And its heroine looks a lot like a certain Queen Padme. Of course, since the hero is just a stand-in for the "author," I'll leave it to the reader to guess who so easily arouses the Beckster's Panther.
This via Media Matters:

Near the climax of the book, Noah and Molly must escape New York City and head to Las Vegas. Since Molly is on the terror watch list at this point, they need to find a way to get her on the plane. Noah unveils what the narrator describes as an "absolutely brilliant idea."

Noah's master plan involves buying an entire row of first class seats on a flight out of La Guardia and using his wealth and powerful name to bypass normal security procedures. But how will Molly make it through, you ask? Well, by dressing up as Natalie Portman, of course. No, really. She dresses like Natalie Portman -- complete with Noah's disturbingly accurate recollection of where to draw beauty marks on her face to complete the disguise.

But won't airport security recognize her? And what about her not having identification? Noah brilliantly gets around the fact that Molly isn't, in fact, Natalie Portman by having her wear a hooded sweatshirt and sunglasses. And he explains that "Natalie" lost her purse during a wild weekend. See, airport security will often let you walk right through as long as you vaguely resemble a celebrity and inform them that you lost your purse.

Unfortunately, the plan hits a snag when the snoopy TSA agent is revealed to be a Star Wars fan-boy who would undoubtedly recognize one of the franchise's stars. Uh-oh! How do they get out of this one?

She turned to the officer, pulled back her hood and let it settle onto her shoulders, removed the baseball cap and let it fall to the floor at her feet, and then slow and sure, began to walk toward him.

"The Force is strong with this one," Molly said, as calm and smooth as a Jedi master. Her accent was gone, and her voice was just breathy enough to obscure any other identifying qualities of the real McCoy.

The TSA man's cheeks began to redden slightly. A power shift was under way, and as Noah had learned firsthand, when this girl turned it on your never knew what was about to hit you.

Yes, she quotes Star Wars to disarm the geeky guard. She later explains that she "wrote a midterm paper on the first two movies in college."

Sorry, but this barely qualifies as geeky enough to justify the SW's reference. I think it was more about wanting to chastely sleep with Portman.

Noah and Molly find themselves in bed together early in the book after a harrowing experience at a Founders' Keepers rally. They agree to sleep in bed together because Molly is too scared to sleep at home, but Molly insists that nothing sexual will take place. Noah agrees, on the condition that she "not do anything sexy." She presses her cold feet against his legs, and Noah responds:

"Suit yourself, lady. I'm telling you right now, you made the rules, but you're playing with fire here. I've got some rules, too, and rule number one is, don't tease the panther."

Consider my panther thoroughly un-teased.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Raghead, Towelhead. Same Diff.

See what having an *uppity* black man sitting in the Oval Office will do? Emboldens people to march for 'taking our country back,' challenging that firreener's birth status, turning an entire state into a Whites Only establishment, getting a famous US senatorial candidate to openly question that oh-so-silly rule about serving teh Blacks and teh Messicans in OUR restaurants. I mean, people get to question his intelligence without a single slice of evidence simply because he's... you know... doesn't have teh capasitee of the soopeareeor race.

And in one single sentence we get to defame not just one person and one entire religion, but two distinct people and two distinct religions (neither of which person practices either religion):

This evening in an interview with Pub Politics, state Sen. Jake Knotts (R-SC) — who is supporting a different candidate — slammed Haley by using a racial slur:

We already got one raghead in the White House, we don’t need a raghead in the governor’s mansion.
Nikki Haley is a Christian convert from the Sikh faith. Knotts - of Don fame, presumably - is a Beck convert from the Civil Rights ages. So that would presume why he thought his *joke* was *funny.*

But don't worry kids. The Republican Party of South Carolina is on it. They won't stand for such brazen racism in the age of Jan Brewer and Tea Parties!

The South Carolina Republican Party has issued a statement condemning Knott’s remarks, saying, “Senator Knotts should apologize for his inappropriate comments, so that we can put this unfortunate incident behind us and focus on issues important to moving our state forward.”

Oh, why even bother?

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Tony Perkins was in the Navy. Insert obvious joke here.

Shorter Tony Perkins* FRC, "My Take: Ending 'don't ask, don't tell' would undermine religious liberty"

I am really, really gay. Super-de-duper-de gay. And you could tell that by a non-veiled reference in the first sentence. Oh please, someone send the military to my door to recruit me from my beard family! I wanna be in the N-a-v-y! I hate my life....

*Hatist-Supreme for the Family Research Council. Which, ironically, cares not one iota for families, research nor counsel.