Sunday, June 20, 2010

Leave Poor Natalie Out of Your Fantasies, Please

The new Glenn Beck=Jane Austin tome is priming up for itz awesomeness!!

And its heroine looks a lot like a certain Queen Padme. Of course, since the hero is just a stand-in for the "author," I'll leave it to the reader to guess who so easily arouses the Beckster's Panther.
This via Media Matters:

Near the climax of the book, Noah and Molly must escape New York City and head to Las Vegas. Since Molly is on the terror watch list at this point, they need to find a way to get her on the plane. Noah unveils what the narrator describes as an "absolutely brilliant idea."

Noah's master plan involves buying an entire row of first class seats on a flight out of La Guardia and using his wealth and powerful name to bypass normal security procedures. But how will Molly make it through, you ask? Well, by dressing up as Natalie Portman, of course. No, really. She dresses like Natalie Portman -- complete with Noah's disturbingly accurate recollection of where to draw beauty marks on her face to complete the disguise.

But won't airport security recognize her? And what about her not having identification? Noah brilliantly gets around the fact that Molly isn't, in fact, Natalie Portman by having her wear a hooded sweatshirt and sunglasses. And he explains that "Natalie" lost her purse during a wild weekend. See, airport security will often let you walk right through as long as you vaguely resemble a celebrity and inform them that you lost your purse.

Unfortunately, the plan hits a snag when the snoopy TSA agent is revealed to be a Star Wars fan-boy who would undoubtedly recognize one of the franchise's stars. Uh-oh! How do they get out of this one?

She turned to the officer, pulled back her hood and let it settle onto her shoulders, removed the baseball cap and let it fall to the floor at her feet, and then slow and sure, began to walk toward him.

"The Force is strong with this one," Molly said, as calm and smooth as a Jedi master. Her accent was gone, and her voice was just breathy enough to obscure any other identifying qualities of the real McCoy.

The TSA man's cheeks began to redden slightly. A power shift was under way, and as Noah had learned firsthand, when this girl turned it on your never knew what was about to hit you.

Yes, she quotes Star Wars to disarm the geeky guard. She later explains that she "wrote a midterm paper on the first two movies in college."

Sorry, but this barely qualifies as geeky enough to justify the SW's reference. I think it was more about wanting to chastely sleep with Portman.

Noah and Molly find themselves in bed together early in the book after a harrowing experience at a Founders' Keepers rally. They agree to sleep in bed together because Molly is too scared to sleep at home, but Molly insists that nothing sexual will take place. Noah agrees, on the condition that she "not do anything sexy." She presses her cold feet against his legs, and Noah responds:

"Suit yourself, lady. I'm telling you right now, you made the rules, but you're playing with fire here. I've got some rules, too, and rule number one is, don't tease the panther."

Consider my panther thoroughly un-teased.

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