Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The Purple Tissue of Horror

Gay Muslim bear-lovin' freakin' Bryan Freakin' Fischer - he of the "Christian" group the American Family Association - is at it again, chickenpeeps!
We now award [the Purple Heart] only for preventing casualties, not for inflicting them.

So the question is this: when are we going to start awarding the Medal of Honor once again for soldiers who kill people and break things so our families can sleep safely at night?

I would suggest our culture has become so feminized that we have become squeamish at the thought of the valor that is expressed in killing enemy soldiers through acts of bravery.
Are we reading this right, Gaybear Bryan? Is it the Christian and American thing to not save lives, but to kill our enemies as ruthlessly as possible?

The bigger question, Fischer, is when you're going to enlist? Sure, you're all types of crazy behind the computer screen. Sure, you get your jollies, kicks, and elongations from thinking about "boys storming" your "beaches" and "lobbing grenades" into your "pill boxes." But now, when is all that wet-dreaming going to become a reality?

Or are you too feminized?

Monday, October 18, 2010

Prayer Circles, Clean Spirits, and Scary Voodoo Chiles!

Shorter "The Christian Investigator":
We don't know what Michelle Obama meant by saying the phrase "Keeping the spirits clean*" on the Tom Joyner radio show, so we're going to have to assume that she's a witch doctor, shaman, or - at the least - a voodoo practitioner.

Why is anyone praying for Obama at any time anyhow? The fact that she is asking for prayers for her husband shows that she's arrogant and hates America!
I've never heard such phrases from Christians before. I'm not saying she's not a Christian, but she can't be.


*It's a phrase used by some Pentecostal churches. To suggest that it is syncretistic and therefore not Christian is to not understand Christian history or even the working of Christianity within one's own culture. For people to not understand that may be forgivable, but then they should do some research before they make press releases. Unless they're so blinded by their racist politics that they can't. But to question the meaning of a 'prayer circle' is just plumb ridiculous.

What's just as infuriating is how these nut-jobs take swipes at Ms. Obama for saying similar things (just in different garb, which they interpret their their racist lens) that Bush II's supporters said all the time for their beloved one.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Mark Kirk Is Worried about the Voting Jiggers

But only in Black neighborhoods. Since they're susceptible to vote foolishly for the people who may actually represent them...

But of course this can all be cleared up if only African Americans are allowed to lurk around predominantly wealthy, white polling places where it is well-known that votes are crackered with.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Reagan's a Kenyan Marxist Sissie

Actual Quotes from Ronald "Evil" Reagan (or, Reagan Re-Fox'd):

Karl Marx was right... We are witnessing today a great revolutionary crisis – a crisis where the demands of the economic order are colliding directly with those of the political order...
The years ahead will be great ones for our country, for the cause of freedom and the spread of civilization. The West will not contain Communism, it will transcend... human history
Socialism... works in... Heaven

Let's... go overboard in setting and enforcing tough emission standards.

Sabotaging America:
We are trying to get unemployment to go up.
I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.
I intend to go right on appointing... individuals who understand... disenfranchising the people through judicial activism.
Freedom is the right to question and change the established way of doing things.

His career:
What does an actor know about politics?

Anti-War and Nukes:
I call upon the scientific community in our country, those who gave us nuclear weapons, to turn their great talents now to the cause of mankind and world peace: to give us the means of rendering these nuclear weapons impotent and obsolete.
I don't believe in protect[ion].
History teaches that wars begin when governments believe the price of aggression is cheap.
No arsenal!
A nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk.
There's purpose and worth to each and every life.
Cannot swords be turned to plowshares? Can we and all nations not live in peace?
The defense policy of the United States is based on a simple premise: The United States does not start fights. We will never be an aggressor.

We... have a trillion-dollar debt because we haven't taxed enough.
I have only one thing to say to the tax increasers: Go ahead... If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

Atheist intent:
Without God.

We will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children... facts are stupid.
Everyone... is for abortion
We need your youth.

And, finally:
I'm from the government, and I'm here to help.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Resisting Americans II: The Seated Fury Continues

"Is your dog on welfare?"
- What??

"This is one of them girlie men."
- I like girlie men. They go well with manly girls.

"I'd just like for everybody to have affordable health care."
"No, but what you see British is doing, their medical care, it don't work, man."
- I know some British who'd beg to differ, I say young chap.

- I agree with the lady about Cap'n'Trade. It is a hoax. Unlike, say, global warming. But much like the idea that Obama is deliberately destroying the economy.

"We've lost honor several years back. Problem with the inception of... social security."
- Yes, I know. Inception of Social Security. That movie confused me too... Did you see the part where the elderly man with his walker flies his balloon-lifted house up to a zeppelin to rescue the little Asian boy... Wait, that was Up. Sorry.

"United we stand and divided we fall."
- And lawn chair we sit until we tipsy.

"There are rappers who say the word "n****r." If I went to Chicago and said the word "n****r" I would get shot. Because I'm (points to nose) not black. How'd that happen?"
- Well, there once was a word used to denote, then define and subjugate black people based on negative stereotypes of them held by the white power structure. That word was further used to dehumanize its objects and as a means of predatory violence against them (the word often being used in the context of a threatened or immediate lynching). After the Civil Rights Movement and at the beginning of the Afro-centric movements, black people began to own that word in order to rob it of its racist power, to subvert it of its historical and damaging power. But that only happens as the historical object uses it within the context of other shared historical objects. When the purveyor of the term (read: white people) use the term, it goes back to its former usage - that of subjugation, exploitation and violence against the black man or woman done by white people.
Does that satisfy your curiosity? If not, you can always do some more reading on it, because it's obvious you don't talk to real live black people...

"You sure they call you "racist" because you criticize Obama? Not because you say the 'N' word?"
"I've been pretty good about not saying the 'N' word on tv, until now... 99% of the time I don't use it."
"It's that other 1% that gets you in trouble."
"...It's the double standard..."
- It's not a double standard just because you so desperately want to call every black person around you a 'n****r'. That's just you being a racist idiot.

"I am an American citizen... We are allowed to have our rights. Nobody can stand and tell us that we believe is wrong..."
- My head just exploded. But maybe she didn't mean it that way. Maybe there's still hope that she was just misunderstood. Maybe, just maybe.
"They are stepping on my toes... by infringing on my rights to speak as I will, as I believe... When I can't stand or sit here and tell you about Jesus Christ and how he died for your sins, and somebody comes up to me and tells me that I'm wrong and that God doesn't exist... that's when they start infringing on my rights."
- *click* goodbye - BOOM!

Monday, September 6, 2010

Standing Next to the Black Guy

I really wish we had a conversation with the Beckpaloozer group standing next to the Black Guy at 1:53 on in this video here*.

I imagine it would sound something like (*stroking double chin*) this:

"See? We are standing next to a Black Guy and even willing to take pictures with him. Thus, by proximity to a Black Guy, we show that we aren't like those real racists who've never, ever been NEAR a Black Guy before."
"No. It takes a real not-racist person to stand next to a Black Guy like he's not diseased or something and not look him in the eye."
"I'll tell you what. Afterwards, I didn't even check my wallet."
"Ihat's right. I noticed that. Good job."
"I wanted to, but I didn't... Oh, still there."
"See? Ain't racist at all."

*A group of about four (if memory serves) white men are standing shoulder-to-shoulder on either end of The Black Guy, two of whom on either wing holding up signs that ask, "Do I look racist?**" while two women are taking pictures like tourists (apparently, when it comes to interaction/sightings of Black Guys, this is the Ninth Wonder of the World).
**Don't need to answer that question, by the way...

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Resisting Americans

- Or -
I Can Haz Dreemz? LOL!

"We wanna... show the people: We're not crackpots."
- Lady wearing US Flag button down

‎"The last bastion of hope."
There are no other free democracies in the world. this is it! omgb!!!11ty!!!
- "You don't consider Canada a bastion of hope?"
"No. You're not listening. This is it. This is the last bastion of hope. [ad infinitum]"
Repeating it makes it truey.

Al Sharpton owns the Black Panthers? Why didn't anybody tell me this??

‎[On Beck calling Obama a racist with deep-seated hatred for white people] "Glenn Beck would never say something disrespectful to the president."
They're not real fans...

"If I heard that, I'd agree with him [Beck. As he hadn't heard Beck say that about Obama]. Well, he is a bit of a racist, and a bit of an elitist."
Way to think for yourselfs!

"If he's gonna take the time to write all this stuff down, and put it into historical record, then something's wrong."
Alternate: BHO's dad hated white men, which is why he had sex with a white woman and Obama took the time to write about his dad, who is black, which means that Obama hates White people IT'S SO OBVIOUS!!

"And I am an American and I have freedom of speech."
But you just don't know what to do with it. That's okay, you continue sitting in your awned lawn chair and practicing it, you'll get it soon.

T-shirt sighting: "I'm the extremist Homeland Security warned you about."
We'll put you on the first flight to UAE right away, sir!

T-shirt sighting no 2: Protecting white cracker babies.
Well, I'm glad somebody finally is! Lord knows we don't our fair share of Amber Alerts.

"Do you want to be slapped in the face like that?"
Careful what you ask for in this crowd...

"Muslims are sticking a thumb in our eye and saying, 'There! What are you gonna do about it?'"
Dang those Muslims and their Islamic thumbs!

"By taking down those towers, they showed that they had victory over America and over the Devil of the West."
But we'll show them who's the Devil!

"I learned all I needed to learn about Islam on 9/11."
So did this guy!

[On immigration] "It's a health risk. On Ellis Island... they went through a screening. We have no idea, no idea, what's... how safety of our general population."
Your tired, your poor, your teeming masses of malaria to the triage area, please...

And finally, the coup de tat:
"All I know is what my sister told me. And she lives in Arizona. And she says she has seen women waiting in parking lots. Pregnant women waiting in hospital parking lots. Just to have their babies. And that's sad."
Not as sad as that lawn chair...
- "But wouldn't there be pregnant women waiting in hospital parking lots to have their babies even if they were legal."
"But that's different. 'Cuz they're legal."
Has absolutely NOTHING to do with faulty insurance rules that kick moms out after two days...

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Sarah, Fixxted

"Ground Zero Mosque -, Muslim President -, Civil Rights -, Black-Lovin' -, Anchor Baby -, and Gay-Lovin' Supporters: Doesn't it stab you in the heart, as it does out here in Reel 'Murika, that these uppity people dare speak up to God-fearing, flag-waving, straight white Christians and ask to be treated like human beings with so-called 'rights'? Some of them even try to make eye-contact! Peace-loving Muslims, Blacks, Mexicans Women, and Gays, please refutiatingly reputize them for not rightfully acknowledging natural White Supremacy."

- The Right Wing Noise Machine

original can be cited here
and here
and here
and here
and somemoresies here
and over here
and under there (that one just in case you think it's a bunch of words)
here, here, here, here, here, and here and then finally here (these are all recent. and rather lazy - of me. but if you need actual, hard-hitting proof, you're barking up the wrong tree. Go read Cathy or Garfield. Or Garfield as Garfield.)

Monday, August 23, 2010

Fear of a Brown Planet

From the Onion's Facebook feed:

BREAKING: Freedom Of Speech, Assembly Exercised To Denounce Freedom Of Religion

I only need to say: Spot-Flippin-ON!

The charge is made, the swords drawn, the victimization strong, the bullshit flies, the pigs cry, children lie, OMYGUY...

And somewhere some nutcase (probably that piece of sh*t, N00t Gangrene) is mounting the argument that those arguing on behalf^ of the Muslim Cultural Center are squelching the xenophobes' right to speech. But that's not the case. As with "Dr." Laura, you have the right to say stupid, repugnant crap all you want. But you should be expected to be called out on your racist, stupid, fear-mongering bullsh*t.

^There's not as many of us as there should be, that's for sure. The usual defenders of the repressed - progressives - are torn on this one because 1) many of them belong to the New Atheist camp which is basically a secular fundamentalism (quite a few of them are ironically arguing across the board that we should be practicing freedom from religion without recognizing that they've basically established their own religion) and 2) many of us on the left have yet to face our own hidden racism.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

From the C0ns3rv@p3di@ files

Talking Points Memo strikes out in trying to ridicule Conservapedia, so it makes a snide remark about the Bible too. TPM readers and writers, check out this table:

Counterexamples to the Bible0
Counterexamples to Evolution60
IQ of Atheists0 divided by 60

I kid you not. This was of course in reply to a Talking Points Memo article pointing out the absurdity of such topics in Conservapedia as trying to debunk such "liberal" ideas as the Theory of Relativity. And Black Holes.

The theory of relativity is a mathematical system that allows no exceptions. It is heavily promoted by liberals who like its encouragement of relativism and its tendency to mislead people in how they view the world. Here is a list of 24 counterexamples: any one of them shows that the theory is incorrect.

Read that again: Any one of them shows that the theory is incorrect. Any one. Any one. Any one. Andy Won...

Among those any and ones are these inconvenient proofs against the ToR:
  • The theory predicts wormholes just as it predicts black holes, but wormholes violate causality and permit absurd time travel.
  • The action-at-a-distance by Jesus, described in John 4:46-54.

And the Footnote Of Fortune?:
"Virtually no one who is taught and believes relativity continues to read the Bible, a book that outsells New York Times bestsellers by a hundred-fold."

In the interest of fairness, I was taught relativity. But I don't understand it, so I'm not sure if I believe it, or if I'm supposed to believe in it. But I more or less accept that it is true until something more accepted comes along to replace it.
Yet, I still read my Bible. And I'm pretty sure that I helped it to outsell NYT bestsellers. But I've yet to buy it a hundred times for every NYT bestseller that I've bought. If only I wasn't taught that dreaded theory!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Leave Poor Natalie Out of Your Fantasies, Please

The new Glenn Beck=Jane Austin tome is priming up for itz awesomeness!!

And its heroine looks a lot like a certain Queen Padme. Of course, since the hero is just a stand-in for the "author," I'll leave it to the reader to guess who so easily arouses the Beckster's Panther.
This via Media Matters:

Near the climax of the book, Noah and Molly must escape New York City and head to Las Vegas. Since Molly is on the terror watch list at this point, they need to find a way to get her on the plane. Noah unveils what the narrator describes as an "absolutely brilliant idea."

Noah's master plan involves buying an entire row of first class seats on a flight out of La Guardia and using his wealth and powerful name to bypass normal security procedures. But how will Molly make it through, you ask? Well, by dressing up as Natalie Portman, of course. No, really. She dresses like Natalie Portman -- complete with Noah's disturbingly accurate recollection of where to draw beauty marks on her face to complete the disguise.

But won't airport security recognize her? And what about her not having identification? Noah brilliantly gets around the fact that Molly isn't, in fact, Natalie Portman by having her wear a hooded sweatshirt and sunglasses. And he explains that "Natalie" lost her purse during a wild weekend. See, airport security will often let you walk right through as long as you vaguely resemble a celebrity and inform them that you lost your purse.

Unfortunately, the plan hits a snag when the snoopy TSA agent is revealed to be a Star Wars fan-boy who would undoubtedly recognize one of the franchise's stars. Uh-oh! How do they get out of this one?

She turned to the officer, pulled back her hood and let it settle onto her shoulders, removed the baseball cap and let it fall to the floor at her feet, and then slow and sure, began to walk toward him.

"The Force is strong with this one," Molly said, as calm and smooth as a Jedi master. Her accent was gone, and her voice was just breathy enough to obscure any other identifying qualities of the real McCoy.

The TSA man's cheeks began to redden slightly. A power shift was under way, and as Noah had learned firsthand, when this girl turned it on your never knew what was about to hit you.

Yes, she quotes Star Wars to disarm the geeky guard. She later explains that she "wrote a midterm paper on the first two movies in college."

Sorry, but this barely qualifies as geeky enough to justify the SW's reference. I think it was more about wanting to chastely sleep with Portman.

Noah and Molly find themselves in bed together early in the book after a harrowing experience at a Founders' Keepers rally. They agree to sleep in bed together because Molly is too scared to sleep at home, but Molly insists that nothing sexual will take place. Noah agrees, on the condition that she "not do anything sexy." She presses her cold feet against his legs, and Noah responds:

"Suit yourself, lady. I'm telling you right now, you made the rules, but you're playing with fire here. I've got some rules, too, and rule number one is, don't tease the panther."

Consider my panther thoroughly un-teased.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Raghead, Towelhead. Same Diff.

See what having an *uppity* black man sitting in the Oval Office will do? Emboldens people to march for 'taking our country back,' challenging that firreener's birth status, turning an entire state into a Whites Only establishment, getting a famous US senatorial candidate to openly question that oh-so-silly rule about serving teh Blacks and teh Messicans in OUR restaurants. I mean, people get to question his intelligence without a single slice of evidence simply because he's... you know... doesn't have teh capasitee of the soopeareeor race.

And in one single sentence we get to defame not just one person and one entire religion, but two distinct people and two distinct religions (neither of which person practices either religion):

This evening in an interview with Pub Politics, state Sen. Jake Knotts (R-SC) — who is supporting a different candidate — slammed Haley by using a racial slur:

We already got one raghead in the White House, we don’t need a raghead in the governor’s mansion.
Nikki Haley is a Christian convert from the Sikh faith. Knotts - of Don fame, presumably - is a Beck convert from the Civil Rights ages. So that would presume why he thought his *joke* was *funny.*

But don't worry kids. The Republican Party of South Carolina is on it. They won't stand for such brazen racism in the age of Jan Brewer and Tea Parties!

The South Carolina Republican Party has issued a statement condemning Knott’s remarks, saying, “Senator Knotts should apologize for his inappropriate comments, so that we can put this unfortunate incident behind us and focus on issues important to moving our state forward.”

Oh, why even bother?

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Tony Perkins was in the Navy. Insert obvious joke here.

Shorter Tony Perkins* FRC, "My Take: Ending 'don't ask, don't tell' would undermine religious liberty"

I am really, really gay. Super-de-duper-de gay. And you could tell that by a non-veiled reference in the first sentence. Oh please, someone send the military to my door to recruit me from my beard family! I wanna be in the N-a-v-y! I hate my life....

*Hatist-Supreme for the Family Research Council. Which, ironically, cares not one iota for families, research nor counsel.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Using some modicum of rationality... (II) [The Joystick is Stuck in 1952]

Can someone please explain to me how writing a thesis paper in undergraduate college about the Socialist Party USA amounts to said author being a Communist or even a Socialist or even anything at all except perhaps a person with an interest in something interesting?

Are we still in the 1950's? For pete's sake, finally, Erick Erickson Ericssonny-Sunny Deelite, have you no sense of learning? At all?

I mean, dayum. Teh Stoopid Hurts.

I don't give a flying rip about Kagan. I don't care if you or your hatemonger monkeys compare her to a dude, or Kevin James (although I'm sure that's a compliment in your world - but it'd be a much bigger compliment if she looked more like Larry the Cable Guy or Lt. Hauk's Frenchie the Sock {"Oh, French." "Oh ho ho, mais oui!"}, acerbic wits they are). I don't honestly care. Politics are beyond screwed and every vetting process is a flippin slunk down mule drivin square wheeled cart on a muddy road. I. Don't. Care.

If we're not gonna get a great SCoTUS any time soon, at least don't make us waste time going after your little ghosts when there's actual adult work to do.

Can't believe CNN vetted YOU, ee cunning. Did they at least see your college thesis on "How I Plan Counter-Soviet Aggression by A2S Missiles"? The one where the Russkies form a slow left-to-right then right-to-left top-to-bottom attack on the US from the sky. But you, Ericsahn, have them right where you want them, deploying tactical Air-to-Space missiles as they are in range. And you, and you alone, are able to knock them all down out of the sky and obliterate them all one-by-one. And you will do it, too, as long as the joystick doesn't get stuck again.

Fortunately for us, has a screen copy of your college thesis.
Look familiar?

Using some modicum of rationality... (I)

Will someone please explain to me this common thread of "thought"?
If they're here legally, then they should be pleased and proud to carry around extra ID and show it whenever asked to prove their US citizenship!
My first question - besides who "they" are (because I kind of already know. "They" = "Darkies." Obviously.) - is, "Who the 500K gave the racists the keys to the pride parade? What is this, Being Juan Garcia-vic, only instead of John Cusack and Cameron Diaz, now Real Amurikan Heroes can mess with the protaganists' heads, telling them how they should feel whenever they meet up with Johnny Bootstrap Law. As long as it doesn't, you know, have to happen to them.

But as long as we're playing imaginary scenarios:

Every time you go outdoors, make sure you bring your papers with ya. Your genealogy papers, that is. Because every time that I see a mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging white male outside, I will personally pull him over and ask for that Long Form Birth-Rite Certificate. Just to make sure that his ancestors raped, pillaged, stole, displaced, mass murdered, intentionally spread fatal diseases to, and/or enslaved "they." After all, he will be only to proud to show this side of his familial history and how much better he is than "they" are.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Follow @sarahpalinchina. It's the same thing.

Friend of the blog* and one-time political aspiring tyrant Roguemonger Sarah Palin is chillingly close to Chicago right now. In Arena Town's Rosemont Theatre. Where she lectured a school that decided not to bring its multicultural girls basketball team to a state that is willfully and brazenly anti-non-White cultures. The state has become so anti-non-White, so Aryan, in fact, according to the school, that it is not 'boycotting' (SP's word), it is declining to go for safety reasons.

In an earlier e-mail to Pioneer Press, school district assistant superintendent Sue Hebson said the decision is not a political statement, but rather for the safety of students.

"District 113 boasts a diverse student population and, as a school district, we believe in equal opportunity for each of our students," she said. "We cannot commit at this time to playing at a venue where some of our students' safety or liberty might be placed at risk because of state immigration law."

In other words, the girls themselves probably don't feel safe thinking about going down there. That's what you learn when you actually spend years listening to the fears and aspirations of young women, instead of using them to further your career or hiding them to keep from curtailing your career, Talking A$$ Palin.

But, alas, for Ms. Hokesome Pokesome Buysome Sellsome Drillsomemore Palin, everybody else, including cartoons making fun of her, her children, her husband's charm and good looks, aides, an Arizonan's carcassing political career, her own perceived sexiness (skin crawling. must. resist. urge. to. bllllleeeeeeeeeerrckkhhhhhh. gag. ill. i think it's ove--------blllllllleeeeeeeeckkkkkhhhh) - whatever or whoever is in play is fair use for her political game.

So she has no qualms about continuing with the accusations, ratcheting up the insane rhetoric to an 11ty.

No, Sarah, there's not really a comparison. I don't think anyone's gonna confuse a bunch of basketball players for pre-borns...

Idiot. cf.

*Not really.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Reagan's Zombie Is Turning Around in His Graveyard

How does the argument go?

Make the walls larger.
With barbed wire.
Electrify that wire.
And establish a no-go zone.
Flesh-eating dogs.
Put guard towers in it.
Give the guards guns and authority to shoot on site.

That's how we establish security from all dem invading Messicans!!!!11!!eleventy!!

Mr. Paranoid, Tear Down This Wall!

I'm all for securing our borders. It's a lengthy debate however, but I think we make our nation MORE secure by not being such imperialist and isolationist jerks.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Sum Up

Her: The Tea Partiers are fully aware of their historical underpinnings in Boston Harbor.

Me: That's pretty hilarious. Even back then they were blaming the dark-skinned for their actions.

How prescient....

Representative John Lewis is a highly respected member of Congress and an icon from the Civil Rights era. He don't just make stuff up. He's not, nor ever was, a race-baiter. But he and several other black (and one white) congress members (and some other witnesses) clearly hear Tea Party demonstrators call out "ni**er" as they pass them by.

How do the TP Express deal with these charges? Do they apologize for that fringe element? Do they say, "Oh my Gad! We can't allow this in our movement!" Do they chide and correct and rein in their crowds?

Hell-to-the-naw! They chide Lewis and the others. "Oh, yeah. He must have made that up! We can't believe that OUR people would say that!" So says Andrew Breitbart*.

In other words, they don't trust Lewis' testimony because he's BLACK.

And farting** fascists like this multimillionaire gubernatorial candidate (for New York state, no less) go around sending out racist, sexist, et. al emails and there we go again. As if they're isolated incidents. As if their policies don't collude with their inherent actions. I call bullsh#t.

*The same idiotic blowhard that helped to bring down a class act social services crew for poor and minorites by supporting a criminal in hyped-up, fabricated charges against ACORN. He's already shown that he's a racist, but if you didn't believe before...
*Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with farting. I've got a case of the moojoos right now...

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Just when you thought that Blech was done with his learnins...

Shorter Glenn Beck: Do You Know What Your Kids Are Learning?

Neither do I, so I'll just make up some conspiracy crap and try to scare the livin' words out of you. Marxists! Mao! Commies! Mmm mmm Obama! Hispanics! Illegals! Al Gore*! Global learning! Learning! Books! BURN!!!!
And, worst of all, your CHILDREN!1!!!

*This whole piece is filled with Teh Stoopid. Hurts your eyes, it's so stoopid. But, the part about Al Gore takes the cake.

It's not enough to simply indoctrinate them with the progressive agenda, they're also being told that they know more than you, their parents. We've shown you that progressives like Al Gore have pitted children against their parents. This is Gore telling thousands of teens and preteens at an inaugural youth conference in Washington last year not to listen to their parents:


FORMER VICE PRESIDENT AL GORE: There are some things about our world that you know, that older people don't know.


I'm sure those parents appreciated Al telling their impressionable kids that they know more about life than they do.

You know, things like using MySpace. Or finding actual research online, instead of having to go to idiots like Beck for their infomayshon. Hell, my parents don't know how to use email yet. It's not that I'm smarter or wiser than them, certainly not when I was in school (in fact, if I were as wise as them, I'd probably never learn how to use email either. Or read crap like Beck. Or start this website out of sheer frustration). It's just that there're some things about our world that I know that older people don't know. Ie, Glenn Beck is an idiot and he'd like it very much if we were all as ignorant and hateful as him...

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Blech in the USSR

Shorter Glenn Beck America's Flirtation with Extremists
Nazis, or so-called "progressives" want to burn you and eat your children. They are doing this through a steady diet of so-called "social justice." And this socialist idea called "democracy." It's all here in the 1936 Constitution of the USSRRRRRRRR.*

*This nefarious "Constitution" guarantees such eveeLL and unAmerican ideas as:

Freedom of religious worship
freedom of speech;
freedom of the press;
freedom of assembly, including the holding of mass meetings;
reedom of street processions and demonstrations.
These civil rights are ensured by placing at the disposal of the working people and their organizations
Equality of rights of citizens, irrespective of their nationality or race, in all spheres of economic, state, cultural, social and political life, is an indefeasible law.
The right to education. This right is ensured by universal, compulsory elementary education;

And now for the Decemberists:

Thursday, February 25, 2010

John Bolton really wants a spanking!

As a new parent and slightly older teacher, I've been thinking a lot about child rearing the last few years. Fifty years ago or so it was completely legitimate to spank a child as an act of discipline. In fact, it was one of the only understood means of disciplining a child. Then began the era of Dr. Spock and this idea that violent discipline leads to more violence - that what a father teaches his child through the acts of force is that the bigger, stronger person wins - leading by bullying.

So spanking is considered - in some communities at least (not in the ones many of my friends and I grew up in) - forbidden.

Of course there was a lot of push-back to that. Some groups specifically arose out of retaliation to these non-traditional ways (Focus on the Family being a prominent one). More importantly, though, a number of parents merely left a void in discipline, not knowing how else one could possibly train a child without physical coercion. So kids are raised without discipline. That's led to a host of problems in middle and upper-class communities where homogeneity is the only real social order that counts with adults. Lower class whites and minorities look at this child-rearing without the rear-ending and laugh. Can't blame them. If the only results you see are some snotty kid talking back to adults without fear, you'd mock the whole process too - that is if you don't already.

Compound this with some heavy Oedipal reflexes and you've got some people hankerin' for a good ol' fashioned spankerin'. For some adults, a little bit of S&M just ain't doing the trick.

For people like John Bolton and Dick Cheney, the US is big, bad mama and Iraq, Iran, North Korea are the bad, bad little boys who need a spanking and need it bad.

Of course, if Bolton and his adherents (which include Sarah Palin) believe that the US is this parent nation, that pretty much sums up their racist, condescending worldviews. To have a fetish to be human, I suppose. To allow your fetish to destroy countless lives is to be a miserable sub-human pig.

Oink, oink, John Bolton. Oink. Oink indeed.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Disemvoweling Facebook Group

Just started a new group on Facebook. It's called Disemvoweling Srh Pln, Rsh Lmbgh, and Glnn Bck. I like to think that we're gutting stupidity one vowel at a time...

From the About:

To 'disemvowel' text is to take all of the vowels out of the words, to in effect rob it of its usefulness and render it powerless. We seek to disemvowel hateful and hurting speech done by hateful and polarizing people.

Hatred's biggest accomplice is inaction. We desire to act out of love for those whose voices are being silenced by current polarizing factions. Certain media personalities claim to represent 'Real Americans,' yet only spew hate at anybody who doesn't look like them, think like them, act like them, speak like them, or have sex like them.

As a token act of empowerment over and against these loud voices, we shall disemvowel their hateful text.

The first disemvoweled post is Limbaugh's "Retard" transcript. Join and enjoy.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Get the **ck out of ChaseDodgeofAmerica

Shorter Big Banks, "In a Message to Democrats, Wall St. Sends Cash to G.O.P."
F*** you, America!! We didn't make you poor and unemployed or throw caution to the wind and run risks to the ground just for you to tell us how to run things. We are f**(kin entitled and deserve, g***ammit them g***am bajillions for bonuses, you ****su**ing **n*s. Just because you bailed us out don't mean we owe you sh*t, mofos!

Whatcha gonna do 'bout it, huh? We're too FB2Fail, b****es!

Here's a hint...
The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Move Your Money - Eugene Jarecki
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorEconomy

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer's REAL Master Plan

Spot it here if player doesn't work.

South Carolina Lt. Governor Andre Bauer may sound like a despicable fool here. He may sound like someone who thinks less of the impoverished people in his state than he does of stray cats and dogs. It may sound like his pro-life credentials are in deep jeopardy, considering the massive euthanasia-by-starvation he suggests here.

But if you believe that, then you've just been had by the most brilliant satirist this side of Jonathan Swift. In under three minutes, he's out-performed Stephen Colbert's entire career. Jon Stewart is crying in his latkes.

But so far, very few people are on to him. Sure, he may gain popular support in the Bible belt, where many of his constituents are poor themselves but too proud to admit it. They do not believe that he is talking about them, but about those OTHER lazy, shiftless people that have to rely on government aid and are keeping them from their millions.

You see, Lieutenant Governor Andre Bauer is smart enough to understand that government aid to the very poor only amounts to a drop in the ocean of the federal and state budgets. He also understands that it is degrading to be forced to take a drug test, and further that taking away the free lunches of any parents that did fail to pass a drug test is only hurting the already-hurt and neglected children, not the already neglectful said parent. The whole endless cycle of poverty thing to the next generation. He understands that the hungry have low test scores partially because they are hungry and many only get any actual meals only at school, because their families can't afford to work AND live.

LG Bauer is delicately laying down a trap. He's merely got the ultra-conservatives right where they are most vulnerable, their naked contempt for Others, even if those Others are themselves.

I mean, he's not a cold, hard-hearted, stone-dumb idiot monster. Amirite?

Watch for the whammy next. He will go on record as to wanting to starve fat corporations of their government welfare. And then he'll hit the middle class with their tax breaks. Lastly, he'll hit the so-called "Moral Majority" for being so hypocritical, so willing to kill living people while seemingly advocating the rights of the unborn (but of course Mr. Bauer knows that it's a double-edged sword to usher in every fetus as being made in God's image and fully human while denying those same rights of children and adults).

It will be then that those who have rallied behind him - the Tea Party faithful, the Ayn Rand worshipers, the Ditto-heads, the White Aryans, the Birthers, the John Birch Society, the Free Marketians - will look around all starry-eyed at this cloudy and increasingly dim world and ask, "Now what? What can be done now? Our world is turned upside down. We have no faith left."

And this is when Lieutenant Governor and Future Savior of the Republic Andre Bauer will lay out a bold, grand, and lovely new schema: Love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you, clothe the naked, feed the hungry, visit the imprisoned and the infirmed, welcome the stranger, pray for justice and mercy. Whoever wants to lead must serve, whoever wants to follow must be innocent like a child.

And he will lead by example.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

So now that corporations are people

Does this mean that we can finally hold them accountable for screwing over people? for prostituting themselves? for theft? for disregard of basic human conditions?

Can they please pay income tax like the rest of us now?

Will BP spend any time in the big house for polluting our waters? Wal-Mart's been stealing from its employees forever now. Somebody needs to reassure me that it'll be sharing a pen with Big Bubba.

Or do they just get one of them cushy 'white-collar crime' jail cells? Bastards!

Is there no justice?

AIG? Lehman Brothers? Any of these suckers?

Or does this thing only, only, only work for their benefit and our detriment?

The above scenario - of corporations being held accountable for their actions like citizens - is obviously a fairy tale. Because the only entity powerful enough - if that - to do so is the government, specifically the government of the United States of America. Of course the US government is quite a bit inept, and large bit corrupt. Legislators' ears have long been tilted at least as much towards the lobbying interests as towards the voices of the people they are supposed to represent. Yet, the voice of the people still had a hearing.

At least until now...

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

How do you spell Relief? By not giving it, that's how!

-by Mike McGowan

I know, I know, I know. I can already hear the blood curdling cries of “heartless” and “monster”, but I don’t think America now has any reason whatsoever for being in Haiti. (Here is where you would expect him to make a rational case, to dispel this notion that he is a monster. Yet, Mr. McGowan seems to relish in the fact that he is not only a monster, but an incompetent boob as well. If you can stand the assault on your precious brain fluids and connectors, please read on...) This represents a change from my previous position, immediately following the earthquake, where I was of the opinion that any life-loving individual who was able to help had a moral responsibility to assist. Let me explain…

Ayn Rand wrote the following in her essay “The Ethics of Emergencies (1963)”, found in her book The Virtue Of Selfishness:

The proper method of judging when or whether one should help a person is by reference to one’s own rational self interest and one’s own hierarchy of values: the time, money, and effort one gives or the risk one takes should be proportionate to the value of the person in relation to one’s own happiness.

To illustrate this on the altruists’ favorite example: the issue of saving a drowning person. If the person to be saved is a stranger, it is morally proper to save him when the danger to one’s own life is minimal; when the danger is great, it would be immoral to attempt it: only a lack of self-esteem could permit one to value one’s life no higher than that of any random stranger. (And, conversely, if one is drowning, one cannot expect a stranger to risk his life for one’s sake, remembering that one’s life cannot be as valuable to him as his own.)…

A rational man does not forget that life is the source of all values and, as such, a common bond among living beings (as against inanimate matter), that other men are potentially able to achieve the same virtues as his own and thus be of enormous value to him. This does not mean that he regards human lives as interchangeable with his own. He recognizes the fact that his own life is the source, not only of all his values, but of his capacity to value. Therefore, the value he grants to others is only a consequence, an extension, a secondary projection of the primary value which is himself.
(So, in other words, Ayn Rand is a self-loving atheist who does not believe in the golden rule. Nor can she truly believe that Jesus' injunction to love your neighbor AS yourself has any true value. This disturbs me for many reasons. I'll start off with a memory ingrained in my mind as a young fearful Christian that I was impressed to treat 'Secular Humanists' with the utmost disregard. This bothers me now because I realize that even though the SHs may not love the Lord their God with all their heart, mind and soul - hence the 'Secular' part of their name - they do a pretty good practice of loving their neighbors as themselves - the 'Humanist' part of their name - or at least enough to fight for privileges that they may have to be extended to those that don't. On the other hand, Ayn Rand and her acolytes - many of them fine people in other regards - would rather that every person fend for herself. This is true Darwinism at its worst, and it seems more fitting in an oligarchial system than in a true democracy, let alone with the many young self-professing Christians who are now a-smitten with Ayn Rand's atlas shoulders.)

Now, whether or not you like Ayn Rand or think she was the devil’s mother-in-law (Go on...), you cannot seriously argue that you know that you would try to rescue the drowning stranger from her illustration. (Boy, I'd love to see the connection that he makes here. If, say, you give five dollars to Red Cross by sending out a text, you may accidentally open yourself up for attacks by life-threatening phone bills, or radiation emanating from your headset. Or get struck by lightning. But in any case, there's got to be an extreme danger of everyday citizens' lives at stake here in order to make as bold claims as Mr. McGowan is making, surely.) You may like to say and think that you would, but there is no way you could know if you would dive in until faced with the situation. Ayn was telling us why we cannot have that certainty: A rational individual, possessed of self-esteem, cannot place just anyone’s life above their own in terms of value. The closeness of the bond with the other individual is what determines where on the 0% to 100% sliding-scale-of-inherent value they land, and the position an individual holds on that scale determines whether or not you’ll go in after them, with the whole thing being governed by the severity of the situation’s danger. ("Danger"? See. Ok, big boi, give us your best shot. Tell us what kind of danger awaits your typical aid-giver.)

When the news of the earthquake started coming in, when the pictures started showing up on the TV and internet and we began to see the loss of life and devastation, I felt about the same as every other person on Earth felt: We need to help those people.

Why that reaction? Two reasons: 1) “We” usually means “Other People” (Well, for you it does. And I could see why, based on your picture. Holy cow. I mean, HOLY COWS), and 2) “Help” usually means “Give some money to those other people.” Giving to the Red Cross and other charities, while at times a dubious activity where you never know what the money will be spent on (Do you ever know where that money is truly spent on? Say you, Mike McGowan enter into a McDonald's and order a couple Quarter Pounders with Cheese, a Large Shake, two orders of fries, a couple apple pies, and a supersized Diet Coke to wash it all down. Now, before you give your money over, do you ask where exactly your ten or so dollars is going to? Do you demand a detailed list to make sure that none of this money is going to end up in the hands of some drug dealer or as pay-off bribe money for the CIA? Nope, you put down your mother's hard-earned twenty dollar bill, wait for your change and order, maybe bark a little, and scarf down the remainder of your humanity along with too much corn to be safe for human consumption, NQA.), is at least a safe, relatively easy method of satisfying the impulse to aid people in an emergency. Here in America, being as fortunate as we are to have the lives of relative luxury we have, we can usually afford charity, and we give a lot to charity, mainly because there are many moral, ethical people here who truly value life (And here's where you tell us why you're an immoral, unethical monster).

I was all for an extension of relatively-safe charity to the people of Haiti, as was the entire country. But no longer.

It began this weekend, when I caught this bit in a story by the Washington Post:
But there was rising frustration — and scattered looting — among the desperate Haitian population. On Friday, the World Food Program had to suspend distribution of high-energy biscuits near the destroyed national palace when a crowd revolted, complaining that they were not getting better food.

Well… My first reaction was “Ingrates”. That put a pretty sour taste in my mouth. Beggars can’t be choosers, and revolting because you’re getting MREs and not T-Bone steaks when there isn’t a lick of food in your whole damn city kind of pissed me off a bit (Let them eat cake! LOLZ). I didn’t get a T-Bone steak last night either! Don’t see me revolting because of it…

(No. I did not touch this article. Teh stoopid things he writes are intact. I swear to almighty jeebus he is that spiteful a man to rush to the judgment of a people starving and think that they are complaining because their food is not four-star quality. That it never once crossed his mind that they might be complaining because the food is actually inedible, or that they needed something apart from dry biscuits. Or rather, because this is a case near the capitol building that maybe, just maybe these are the very few pampered Haitians on the island, ones not previously forced to subside on, say, dirt pies.)

But today’s headlines and opening paragraphs sealed the deal for me.

About 30 Americans were hurt Monday during a massive relief operation in the Haitian capital in what was described as a “mass casualty event,” US officials said.

WASHINGTON - Some incidents of violence in Haiti have hindered rescue workers trying to help earthquake victims, a top official leading the U.S. government’s relief efforts said Sunday.

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti - Some 2,200 U.S. Marines arrived off the shore of this crumbled capital city on Monday, their mission to protect a huge relief operation from marauding looters as hundreds of thousands of earthquake survivors wait desperately for food and medical care.

Violence, looting, attacking Americans who have volunteered to come and give you aid? Hell to the naw! I’m sorry, but the earthquake didn’t hit America, there is no need for it to claim American lives (And yet Saddam Hussein didn't hit America either... Wait, what the f00k? What American lives were claimed by this? Even if one or more were - though they weren't, which the above cited articles make abundantly clear - these Americans - these OTHER Americans as Mickey "Poop My Pants" McGowan made abundantly clear himself just earlier - are trained and know the dangers. They are brave men and women who feel a need to actually DO something that may COST them something. That is why they volunteered, Mike McDumbass). If this is the thanks we’re getting, fine, screw ‘em. Let them starve, die because of a lack of medical care and infection, get pulverized by drug lords and the like. I have not one iota of pity for those who strike at the people coming to help them! (The truth is, that when it comes to other people, specifically "colored", "foreign", "dark", "poor" or "funny-talkin' Frenchy-like" people - all of which apparently the Haitians have against them - some inconsiderate xenophobes will not bother trying to appreciate their point of view - let alone why they may be scrambling to try to get relief. Let me break it down for some of these people: They are starving. If you are starving in a McDonald's and the line seems to be taking too long, you get a little impatient. But the difference is that you know that you will eat soon enough - if not here, then somewhere else. If not now, then shortly. You will eat, and your children won't die of starvation, or internal organ damage. You have no reason to be aggressive. The Haitians don't have those guarantees. They don't have that luxury. Try walking a mile, just a mile...)

If they’re going to go on the war path because aid isn’t getting there fast enough, let them stew in their own misery for a bit with no aid and no promise of aid in the future. Let them see how bad it really can get. It’s what they deserve. (Yeah! Shows them right for getting in the middle of an earthquake. Stoopids!)

To head back to Ayn Rand’s example of the drowning man: One of the first things they teach lifeguards is that you never swim right out to a drowning individual and try to pull them to safety. The drowning person, scared out of their mind and incapable of rational thought, will kill you to try to stay above water. They’ll stand on you, try to push up off of you, hold you under even if it means you both die, because they want to survive. It’s our natural instinct. The lifeguard must instead wait for them to quit struggling, wait till they slip below the waves, then grab them and pull them to shore. (Note: I can't swim and, hence, never trained as a lifeguard. But apparently neither did Mikey, as one of his own readers points out just how inaccurate this analogy is. Drowning to save? Yeah, doesn't work in your fantasies even, Mike...)

This follows Ayn Rand’s model of ethics in an emergency to an absolute “T”. (Except for the fact that neither you nor Rand would even volunteer your awesome lifeguarding skillz. Too weak to swim on their own means too weak to survive, suckaz!) Haiti is a drowning nation. It is fighting, kicking, individuals are fighting not only to survive, but to advance themselves (yes, to undeserved statuses such as "living". Boy, they sure do know how to make billions in Haiti!). This is not the proper climate for us to be delivering aid. As we bring in aid, the various gangs and warlords (which are already there) will be taking it and selling it or holding it back from the people. It’s happened to US relief efforts all over the world. We’re risking the lives of American doctors, soldiers, etc for no reason but to give petty tyrants power and an easy life (and maybe to help some black families that speak the Frenchy language and practice teh devil-worship), and that is not worth it to me (who has not offered to risk my life or any money in the first place).

Let the nation restore its own order, then we (immoral, unethical monsters that we are) can move in to help. (Truly, all they need is to restore their government and self-control. They don't need food, shelter, medical relief, supplies, time, international aid, UN, doctors, councils, the US to stop meddling in their government... After all, if every other nation can so hold themselves up so high by defeating parochialism, poverty, violence, injustice, and corruption, why can't the Haitians do it? Because they're shiftless and uppity, that's why!)